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protowilson:

betterbemeta:

This tea is awful. It’s fucking disgusting. Don’t believe that lazy shit idyllic pastoral landscape on the goddamn cardboard box. It’s a damn lie and if you drink this tea you’ll know the heart of minty darkness

Like OK I appreciate that it tries to prepare you for whats inside by a cute picture on the box. Fresh green mint leaves, and some candy cane sticks to get you in that shitty assfaced Christmas mood. Look it’s even tied with a repugnant little red bow. fuck this tea.

So if you open the box and immediately steep a cup prepare to get one of those cute lil candy canes up your FUCKING NOSE and in your FUCKING EYES because this shit doesn’t know personal space in the same way a demon from hell doesn’t know a loving God.

I hope you like drinking your throat lozenges because here’s a blistering stream an actual menthol golem would piss down your fucking throat while you gag on its candy-striped wiener. 

So you lock this shit in a box for 3 months while you recover from the worst toothpaste-flavored blowjob of your life and maybe get yourself together again. You recover. You move on. Things are looking pretty up and you think back, well maybe that godforsaken tea didn’t really taste like a peppermint Siberia. So you make a cup like the foolish piece of shit you are

and you’re right, but so wrong about the character and nature of your mistake you might as well star in Greek tragedy. You pathetic bag of bollocks.

because in the months its been locked in a top-shelf tomb the life and vehement mint-based hatred for the physical world has withered and desiccated out of its soulless teabag husks.

Now what you have got in your fucking unfortunate mug is a hot steaming cup of fuck you that tastes like the inside of the birch tree on the fucking box, or maybe Santa’s tears mixed with mummy dust, or midwinter leaf litter a vaguely minty dog only rolled in once.

The aftertaste stinks of wax. Why wax? Because it wants to remind you that you’re the kid who ate birthday candles in first grade, that’s why. And every single other bad decision you now regret.

fuck this tea. fuck it, it tastes like a hollow  mannequin of a tea, hot leaf swill unfit to fertilize even fake fucking flowers.Maybe you could tan leather in it. I don’t fucking know but get it away from me and the human race. Fucking shoot it at the moon where it belongs with all of the other celestial fucking seasonings. fuck

I never thought I’d reblog a tea review but here we are.

thebicker:

fenchurchdent:

chicklikemeblog:

Playboy’s catcall flowchart.  

I’m reblogging Playboy. Somebody stop me. 

Even Playboy wants men to stop screaming at women on the street. When the pinnacle of female objectification is telling you you’re being a sexist pig, maybe for real you’re being a sexist pig. (I mean, women have been telling you you’re a sexist pig for catcalling for a long time, but then again, they’re *women* so their opinions don’t count. Now a magazine for men has acknowledged it so LISTEN UP.)

lanadelblu-ray:

therainssmallhands:

turntechstridercest:

jean-huh-kirschnickerdoodle:

doctorrivaille:

sb5ive:

rapunzelie:

new undies: cute
stretchmarks: also cute

No no no and NO stretch marks are never cute!! wtf too lazy to go get some cocoa butter and use it daily? We all have stretch marks but we can get rid of it.. People should take care of themselves and if cocoa butter didnt work for you make an appointment for a laser stretch mark removal dont be a lazy ass

all stretch marks are beautiful no exceptions 

  1. stretch marks are perfectly fine and natural and beautiful, free lightning bolt tattoos yo
  2. cocoa butter is a preventative that does not always work, and smells and stains clothes and oh yeah, since a lot of people get stretch marks just from growing NOT from weight, theyd have to slather their whole body and no one really wants to do that or smell like that so strongly.
  3. laser treatment? really? you want people to pay $1000+/appt (usually takes a few treatments) to get rid of something perfectly natural because you’ve named yourself standard of the fucking world and think we all live to please you? most people dont have that money and if they do thats not what they want to spend it on.
  4. also fuck you.

I usually don’t reblog ladies in undies, but for real. Don’t fuckin’ knock people over stretchmarks, or anything on their bodies for that matter. I’ve been underweight all my life and have them from growing. They happen. The just do. 

FREE LIGHTNING TATTOOS

You’ve earned your beautiful stripes, you fine ass tiger.

kkristoff:

callingoutbadfeminism:

vegetableighs:

darebearlee:

josiephone:

josiephone:

Okay guys, I’m going to get serious for a minute. 
If you’re not in Ireland at the moment, you may not know about the situation regarding the laws on abortion. It is completely illegal, even in cases of rape, incest, fatal foetal abnormality, and other such things. 

Women have died in this country because inability to have an abortion put strain on their health. A woman who wasn’t even Irish begged for an abortion because her child was about to die in the womb. The complications arising from her case resulted in her contracting septicaemia, organ failure, and tragically dying. 
In 1992, the X Case took place, involving a 14-year-old girl, knowns only as x, who became pregnant after being raped. Instead of offering help to the girl, who because suicidal, they prevented her from travelling out of the country for an abortion.

Any Irish woman* who needs an abortion has to travel to the UK, which means if you don’t have the money, you’re out of luck. What does the Irish Government have to say about this?

Well, recently the UN confronted the Government about our abortion laws, pointing out that we were breaking Human Rights laws, and that the Government treated Irish women* like vessels.

Joan Burton, the Tánaiste, said that there will be no referendum on abortion in this Government’s lifetime. They’re literally saying that they don’t care enough to rectify Human Rights breaches.

I am NOT a vessel, and neither are you. Make your voice heard. Come to the March for Choice on the 27th of September in Dublin. 

Never give up, never stay quiet.

This has only been up since last night and LADS, the NOTES. Keep spreading the word!

I am Canadian, and I’m sorry to say until I read this I didn’t know anything about what you women were going through.
This is completely disgusting, I can’t even believe what you’re going through.
And I wish I could come out there and march with you.
But I don’t have the money so I can’t.
But I’m going to keep reblogging this, and sharing it.
And I hope all my followers will too.
This is important people, no matter what gender you are or what country you’re in, everyone deserves their basic human rights, and we need to stand together until this becomes a reality.
So please spread the word for these women.

Be lucky you’re in Ireland though, the situation is 10X worse the the “progressive” United States. Just look at places like Texas or Ohio. It’s fucking inhumane here.

Okay Leigh, I don’t think you understand what the words “outright ban” mean.

Ireland has an outright ban on abortion.  That means that under ZERO circumstances can a person who is pregnant obtain an abortion for ANY reason.

The state of Texas does NOT have an outright ban on abortion.  Yes, you have to jump through legal hoops and consent to various invasive procedures, and it is very expensive to do so, but it is technically possible.

- Number 1

did u srsly just pull a “imma let u finish but the usa has it SO much worse” shut the hell up

semiotickitten:

apiratenhisprincess:

4ngelo:

theodorepython:

miami-tea:

The Defibrillator Toaster

My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”

“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!!  NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”

He’s bread, Jim.

Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M

If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast! 

JESUS CRUST.

JAM IT!

“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”

I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS

HES BREAD JIM

JESUS CRUST

To pay my respects, Ill be sure to place a flour on his grave.

I need this.

(Source: secretsbest)

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