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star-lordofficial asked:

Holy crap is this getting notes again because of you?

itsstuckyinmyhead:

wellisntthatspiffy:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

mooglesam:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

badwolfnobiscuit:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

the-other-motherfucking-fox:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

wellisntthatspiffy:

itsstuckyinmyhead:

No it’s not because of me. It’s because i sort have an army of followers and they’re pretty kickass.

M’lord. We have taken Easter Island as ordered, but we’re seeing signs of a counter attack in the works. Do we hold here or counter counter attack them?

1. It’s my lady

2. I didn’t order any attack on Easter Island get back here

0_0… Um… so what should we do with the bodies?

Give them to the Hannibal Fandom or the Supernatural Fandom. They know what to do with bodies. 

3. Ah. I’m pretty sure you haven’t heard about … Budapest? Sorry about that.

So i am hearing that you guys have attacked Easter Island, Haiti and Budapest? Have left Easter Island in ruins and offered kittens as an apology and is still planning to attack southern England and Scotland?

The Roman empire took over a lot of the world and failed to get Scotland then kind of felt apart afterwards. England took over Scotland…AND WE GOT IT BACK, you know, from those people that took over most of the world as well.

I SAY BRING IT IF YOU DARE. WE WON’T EVEN NEED GUNS.

We’re not going to fight. I was just going to bribe you with alcohol, cookies, kittens ,puppies and the sudden disappearance of Justin Bieber, Twilight and The Kardashians.

image

We were defeated when a Tiny William Wallace burst into the clearing in which we had laid our ambush. Our collective, “DAAAAAAWWW” lost us the element of surprise.

aaawwwww they can win

protowilson:

betterbemeta:

This tea is awful. It’s fucking disgusting. Don’t believe that lazy shit idyllic pastoral landscape on the goddamn cardboard box. It’s a damn lie and if you drink this tea you’ll know the heart of minty darkness

Like OK I appreciate that it tries to prepare you for whats inside by a cute picture on the box. Fresh green mint leaves, and some candy cane sticks to get you in that shitty assfaced Christmas mood. Look it’s even tied with a repugnant little red bow. fuck this tea.

So if you open the box and immediately steep a cup prepare to get one of those cute lil candy canes up your FUCKING NOSE and in your FUCKING EYES because this shit doesn’t know personal space in the same way a demon from hell doesn’t know a loving God.

I hope you like drinking your throat lozenges because here’s a blistering stream an actual menthol golem would piss down your fucking throat while you gag on its candy-striped wiener. 

So you lock this shit in a box for 3 months while you recover from the worst toothpaste-flavored blowjob of your life and maybe get yourself together again. You recover. You move on. Things are looking pretty up and you think back, well maybe that godforsaken tea didn’t really taste like a peppermint Siberia. So you make a cup like the foolish piece of shit you are

and you’re right, but so wrong about the character and nature of your mistake you might as well star in Greek tragedy. You pathetic bag of bollocks.

because in the months its been locked in a top-shelf tomb the life and vehement mint-based hatred for the physical world has withered and desiccated out of its soulless teabag husks.

Now what you have got in your fucking unfortunate mug is a hot steaming cup of fuck you that tastes like the inside of the birch tree on the fucking box, or maybe Santa’s tears mixed with mummy dust, or midwinter leaf litter a vaguely minty dog only rolled in once.

The aftertaste stinks of wax. Why wax? Because it wants to remind you that you’re the kid who ate birthday candles in first grade, that’s why. And every single other bad decision you now regret.

fuck this tea. fuck it, it tastes like a hollow  mannequin of a tea, hot leaf swill unfit to fertilize even fake fucking flowers.Maybe you could tan leather in it. I don’t fucking know but get it away from me and the human race. Fucking shoot it at the moon where it belongs with all of the other celestial fucking seasonings. fuck

I never thought I’d reblog a tea review but here we are.

thebicker:

fenchurchdent:

chicklikemeblog:

Playboy’s catcall flowchart.  

I’m reblogging Playboy. Somebody stop me. 

Even Playboy wants men to stop screaming at women on the street. When the pinnacle of female objectification is telling you you’re being a sexist pig, maybe for real you’re being a sexist pig. (I mean, women have been telling you you’re a sexist pig for catcalling for a long time, but then again, they’re *women* so their opinions don’t count. Now a magazine for men has acknowledged it so LISTEN UP.)

lanadelblu-ray:

therainssmallhands:

turntechstridercest:

jean-huh-kirschnickerdoodle:

doctorrivaille:

sb5ive:

rapunzelie:

new undies: cute
stretchmarks: also cute

No no no and NO stretch marks are never cute!! wtf too lazy to go get some cocoa butter and use it daily? We all have stretch marks but we can get rid of it.. People should take care of themselves and if cocoa butter didnt work for you make an appointment for a laser stretch mark removal dont be a lazy ass

all stretch marks are beautiful no exceptions 

  1. stretch marks are perfectly fine and natural and beautiful, free lightning bolt tattoos yo
  2. cocoa butter is a preventative that does not always work, and smells and stains clothes and oh yeah, since a lot of people get stretch marks just from growing NOT from weight, theyd have to slather their whole body and no one really wants to do that or smell like that so strongly.
  3. laser treatment? really? you want people to pay $1000+/appt (usually takes a few treatments) to get rid of something perfectly natural because you’ve named yourself standard of the fucking world and think we all live to please you? most people dont have that money and if they do thats not what they want to spend it on.
  4. also fuck you.

I usually don’t reblog ladies in undies, but for real. Don’t fuckin’ knock people over stretchmarks, or anything on their bodies for that matter. I’ve been underweight all my life and have them from growing. They happen. The just do. 

FREE LIGHTNING TATTOOS

You’ve earned your beautiful stripes, you fine ass tiger.

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